you don't
sing the blues
because they're in you
you sing the blues
to get them out
I fixed it:
The white teeth of subway tiles
have black marker cavities
"I ♥ Carlos"
And crossword down the stairs
I M I S S C A R L O S
Or maybe a simpler way?
Black marker reads
on white subway tiles
"I ♥ Carlos"
And crossword down the stairs
I M I S S C A R L O S
4 days ago
4 comments:
Sounds familiar but I love it. And definitely the first version.
I like the second version best. It's interesting and visual enough without the teeth/cavity metaphor, I think. I'd be tempted to break out of the gogyohka form and stairstep the letters of "I miss Carlos" down the page. A bit cheesy but fun since you already have the heart. I do love the teeth/cavity metaphor too, and there are probably enough black marks on white tile to make another gogyohka.
My moms beat me to it: like mother like daughter, I loooove the white tile teeth, but I /also/ love the crossword. In fact, I love them both so much that I think each deserves its own gogyohka. Put me down for Option 2.
I like the second better. The teeth and cavity metaphor take away from loving and missing carlos - but I do like the cavity metaphor for the decay of the subway and time...
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